The 2010 Wrap Up.

After the Parkcity Marathon with Willy and my Dad.
Hanging out with my brother Willy in Utah
My cousin Karrie and I at a Goodman Girl Cousin's party
Bridesmaids at Cheyenne's wedding, I can't even get off the ground...shoot.
Baby Sophie Joy and Aunt Jojo


So I reward all my very patient blog readers with a picture of my backside chubs. But isn't this what new years resolutions are all about... being honest with yourself and I suppose others as well (but mostly with yourself). So here is a before picture that I hope will inspire me to have a better "after".

This past year, 2010 was really good. I finished my 2nd year of law school and started my third year of law school, with an externship with the Idaho Court of Appeals...very prestigious. I had a lot of good times with my Idaho friends and with my family when I come to visit. My niece Sophie was born. I dated a man in the Spring we broke up when I moved to Boise, and then when I got back to school I started seeing his best friend (who I had always had eyes for since the first time we met). Who I absolutely adored. However, a few months later he broke up with me and I have spent the holiday season trying to mend my broken heart and practice the art of "self-respect" by not calling him or texting (little victories, and a few defeats).

It always amazes me at how I always seem to get exactly what I want, but find it absolutely impossible to keep it.

A few weeks after the breakup a friend called me as I was about to order about 8 books from Amazon...books titled things like, "How to be a Dreamgirl and not a Doormat", "Be the One, not the One Left Behind", "He's Not that Into You, But Honestly Your Not That Into Him Either"...etc. My friend, a fellow law student gave me 2 gems of advice that night. She said "First, you are a poor law student, you don't have money to buy that crap off Amazon, if you really want those books go to the library" She also said, "But I don't think you need those books, you need a hobby and Jodi, Facebook is not a hobby".

So No, my new years Resolution is not giving up Facebook (i love it too much), but it is about getting some hobbies, something to keep me interesting and excited about living, when my heart gets broke and I feel like I want to die.

So the hobbies, are gonna be run fast (train at the track and hopefully start winning some races like I did in my younger years), Learn Spanish again (I spoke it on my mission and need it back to help my job prospects--if I am bilingual I think I could get a job as a public defender) and play the guitar, I am committing at least 5 hours a week to practicing chords and hopefully learning some basic songs).

Hopefully 2011 will be a great year, with graduating in May, taking the Bar in July and hearing I pass the bar in September. Also, I hope to make new friends, enjoy my new hobbies, have some adventures and fall in love...Maybe.

A poem i found...and i like it.

True Love

True love. Is it normal
is it serious, is it practical?
What does the world get from two people
who exist in a world of their own?

Placed on the same pedestal for no good reason,
drawn randomly from millions but convinced
it had to happen this way - in reward for what?
For nothing.
The light descends from nowhere.
Why on these two and not on others?
Doesn't this outrage justice? Yes it does.
Doesn't it disrupt our painstakingly erected principles,
and cast the moral from the peak? Yes on both accounts.

Look at the happy couple.
Couldn't they at least try to hide it,
fake a little depression for their friends' sake?
Listen to them laughing - its an insult.
The language they use - deceptively clear.
And their little celebrations, rituals,
the elaborate mutual routines -
it's obviously a plot behind the human race's back!

It's hard even to guess how far things might go
if people start to follow their example.
What could religion and poetry count on?
What would be remembered? What renounced?
Who'd want to stay within bounds?

True love. Is it really necessary?
Tact and common sense tell us to pass over it in silence,
like a scandal in Life's highest circles.
Perfectly good children are born without its help.
It couldn't populate the planet in a million years,
it comes along so rarely.

Let the people who never find true love
keep saying that there's no such thing.

Their faith will make it easier for them to live and die.


Wislawa Szymborska

I like it on the desk....

So if you don't have Facebook, you should. But that is not what this post is about.

What do we all think about the, "I like it on the _______". Meaning where you like to put your purse. This is what people have been posting on facebook to raise breast cancer awareness. What I think would be a better way is to list someone you loved that died from it, and someone you loved that beat it.

For me, my sweet Aunt Debbie died of breast cancer a little over 12 years ago. She is missed by many, especially her husband and 6 kids she left behind. Also my lovely mother Diane survived. I always felt a little guilty that my mom gets to be here, while my cousin's mom doesn't. I sure need to appreciate my mom more.

I was worried if breast cancer is a genetic disease. I found out in my intellectual property class (there was a case on breast cancer) that only 8 percent of cases are genetic.

when I was about 28 I asked my gyno about what i could do to reduce my chances of getting breast cancer myself. She said, "have a baby and breast feed before 30". So now I got the genetic possibility, I am deep, deep into my thirties and no baby in sight. I hope that I can be breast cancer and all cancer free... but it seems like it's a huge possibility.

I hope that we figure out what is causing this cancer. I hope we can all eat more raw food (because that I believe helps prevent cancer).

Twas a sad day.

I want to say that i trust you people a lot.

First I always talk about my hopes and dreams of one day having a husband and family of my own.

Then I tell you about the hand wart and the healthy cervix.

But I am not sure you can handle the truth....

I dropped out of a race. A marathon. The Spokane Marathon to be exact. I was in last place. The race had a 5 hour limit, i wasn't meeting it. The course was hilly. I weight 173 pounds (gained 7 since law school started) and my feet were killing me. So I quit. The race directors said I could keep going but I didn't want people to stick around because of me.

It was a sad sad day.

Over My Head.

I decided i was going to make up for lost opportunities in Law School.

This semester I am taking

Bankruptcy 3
Bankruptcy Clinic 1
Victims Rights Clinic 1
Legal Accounting 1
Environmental Law 3
Unfair Competition 2
International Public Law 3
Intellectual Property 3

I am also sitting in on 2 classes and not getting credit for Workplace and Securities

Clinic takes time, reading for class takes time, being social takes time, going to church takes time, blogging takes time (so i wasn't doing it).

I just wanted everyone to know I am busy, happy and feeling overwhelmed.


Enjoy being stay at home moms. LOL. I would trade you in a second.

Success at the Gyno and I got a wart off my hand removed.

i am 33. i am in a college town. I have about 1000 friends on facebook. I think 118 wished me happy birthday. I had a goal of 100. If you know me well, that wouldnt surprise you. I am all about the benchmarks and numbers and percentages. That is another post.

Today I went for my yearly pap. Everything is normal. She said I have a very healthy cervix. Still don't know what a cervix is, but i think it is analogous to the back of the throat. When you open your mouth real big, you see the back on the throat... when you open your .... well you get the idea, you get to see the cervix.

I am proud of my healthy cervix. i guess sometimes you gotta be proud of the little things.

Today I was updating my facebook status. I wanted to say, "Success at the Gyno plus I got a wart on my hand removed". But I don't know if that would go well with my 1000 friends. I have hand picked you individuals to read this blog...so i thought I would update all of you on my Success. I hope you at least smiled by my post.

Here is the question, what would you update your status to if only a handful of friends could read it. I mean no one ever says, "Great Sex last night" or "getting too big for my size 14's time to upgrade" or "Been 3 days till I showered, and 24 hours since I brushed my teeth, gotta get better hygeine".

Am i the only one who thinks about this stuff. Hope not.

Park City Marathon.

418 143 Jodiane GOODMAN MESA AZ Full F 30-34 0 06:03:34.1

I used to say Marathons only counted if they were fast. Or at least in the inverse of this logic, if you are slow then the marathon isn't a big deal. Well I was slow. It hurt. It was so hard. I made a friend named Eli (short for Elizabeth). It took me a full 6 days to recover. And I can't wait to do it next year in at least 2 hours faster. So hows this for honesty. 6 hours, 3 minutes and 34.1 seconds. And I only walked probably 4 miles. The problem was elevation coupled with steep inclines coupled with not training enough.

Thanks Willy and Dad for running so much faster than me. Thanks especially to Willy for being the instigator of this marathon maddness. Thanks to Dad for always being my inspiration of raddness, rawsomeness, training and working hard and actually enjoying the process. I loved training with you and getting inspired my our hopes and dreams. Mom you are a great support/documentor of everything that goes down. You sure our patient with the mood swings, the outbursts and hours of food talk. I love you all fellow road travelers.

I can't stop...

So Amy and I went to see Step Up 3 (not 3d in our case, we didn't want to spend the extra 2 bucks). And I gotta say the plot was weak, the chemistry between the main couple was way lacking but Man Alive, the dancing was rad. This is the main theme song of the movie, and I have to confess, I have listened to it at least 50 times, in the last 24 hours. I am not joking I love the song, and I love the dancing.

When we were leaving the theater Amy asks me, "so do you think we are too old/it's too late to make our dreams (of becoming rad dancers) come true". I was thinking the exact same thing...then we had a conversation about how one could become a better dancer. We decided maybe a class, and I added in, "get dance movies from Netflicks and then practice a ton".

So today at about 11 Amy called to invite me to go to lunch with some friends of ours. The first thing she asked is what are you doing. I was watching Step Up 2 and had just put my name on the waitlist for a one-credit Hip-hop dance class at University of Idaho. She laughed.

So what do you guys think, how old is too old to make my dancing dreams come true?

I am in love....

I am in love with being an aunt to Olivia, Gibson and Sophie Joy. Since she is the most recent addition I have to say, I am loving my sweet niece Sophie Joy. I have to see her, hold her and kiss her at least once a day, sometimes twice. She is perfect and beautiful and sweet. I am so lucky that my sister is making babies. Today I thanked my mom for having more kids after me (for many reasons, but especially because they have beautiful babies).

Sunday was her baby blessing, and it was beautiful. I felt so lucky to be here for that special day. It was the first time I could remember that I actually paid attention to the words and emotion of the blessing. As my brother in law Sumo was blessing his sweet daughter, I could feel how much he wanted the best for her, how much he loved her and wanted her life to turn out good. It was really beautiful.

In addition, I want to give a shout out to my sister Rita, who is such a good mom. I love to see my beautiful little sister mothering her sweet girls. I am super proud of her, even if our conversations involve the hardships of potty training the girls, and the best way to hold Sophie.

I love AZ!

Lonely, oh so Lonely Sunday Nights in the Perkins Parking Lot.

Last Sunday Night in Boise. I needed to document me in the Perkins parking lot. Doing all my online business. Which we all know what that is. Blogging, Facebooking, checking emails, Lds planet sort of, looking on Steep and Cheap and Woot and Slick Deals.... you know just hanging out with all my online favorite cites. I have a huge Community Property Test...

Community Property is the way 9 states, including AZ and Idaho divide property after a divorce. It basically holds that any property acquired during the marriage is community, not separate property, unless it was a gift to a separate spouse or was devised to them (someone dies and they get something). Anyways, just a little humor... I posted on FB, "does anyone have a community property outline, much appreciated" (we use outlines to study, they basically put all information of the whole course in one condensed (60-100 page document).

I got a few takers who sent me an outline or two, but my friend Rusty posted "just a copy of my divorce papers". Ok thats hillarios, but whats even funnier is my response, "Thank you Meadow". For those of you who don't know. Meadow is my 3rd cousin, who married Rusty, and I was not happy about it. So even now years later, it is still fun to give him a hard time.

So I hope that last post about being poor and not having all my dreams come true didn't get anyone down (besides my mom). I definately don't like to filter the emotions. But things are really good. Good friends, good food, good life, and just a bit more excitement for things. In a way I am all pro my singlehood again, what can i say this pendulum keeps swinging back and forth. Anyways, who knows where these content feelings are coming from, I just have a feeling it's going to get radder and I have no idea where that is coming from. Maybe it's because I get to go to Rexburg in 3 days. Maybe it's because i get to meet Sophie in 7 days. Maybe it's because my days in Boise are almost through.... but anyways, i am pretty psyced about the next bit... so endulge me the down times, when I can't shake the "supposed to's and not fair's". I mean blogging is such a great forum, especially when one's is private, and the only readers are the people I love. So hope this summer is being good to you.

Loggins & Messina - Danny's Song (LIVE - Midnight Special -

Billy Falcon - Power Windows

Update. I feel lame that i only post with updates. The thing is, i am not feeling creative, or chatty, or willing to share anything that is going on. I feel like law school and doing the extern(working for no pay, only paying for credit) has sucked the creativity out of me.

Other thing, i don't really feel inspired by anything as of late. I miss the girl who used to write horrible poetry of loved lost, and pain and rebirth (i was in 8th grade) because she felt things. This lady that i have become doesn't really have a voice anymore. I am just trying to be gramatically correct all day when i am writing my draft opinions, and i am trying to not look online too much while i am at work.

The girl who works upstairs my classmate, got offered a job by the Idaho Supreme Court today. No one has even mentioned me even applying downstairs at the appealate court. I guess it sort of hurts my feelings, i mean pride. It makes me feel like I am not doing a good job. Isn't it funny how you think you are doing ok, and have no complaints, and then you read about someone else's successes, and suddenly you feel lower...I think that is how i feel a bit whenever i hear someone has a job, a fantastic husband/boyfriend, etc. I am alright with how everything is going, but then someone else celebrates via facebook, the blog, or just normal conversations, and I get to thinking, "shoot, i want some of that".

For instance, today i was reading someone's facebook bio. It said, "i love my life, i am the luckiest girl in the world". I gotta tell you, i never feel like that. I sort of feel like life has dealt me the short end of the stick. And yeah, yeah, i know that money doesn't buy happiness, and i suppose you can try to tell me, finding love won't make you any happier because, you gotta learn to be happy by yourself, or whatever lame things people say to us leftovers....but honestly, I never really cared about money. I would listen to "Pillow Talk" on my clock radio I got for my 10th birthday, and songs like, "Making Love out of Nothing at all", "power windows" and one that said, "even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you honey..." and i had it all figured out at 10. I was gonna be poor and in love and happy.

Flash forward, um 22 years. And here i am about 200k in debt. (99K Mortgage + 15K undergad debt. + 76K graduating from law debt. + a bunch of credit card debt) and now I am worse than poor, and haven't been in love ( i want to say ever, but i will say for years, just to sound optimistic). It's not that great.

So here i am in the Perkins (it's a restaurant parking lot where they have free internet), checking my facebook, blog, lds planet and email...and I just gotta repeat... IT'S NOT THAT GREAT!. No i'm not on my period, no I don't want you to feel sorry for me, but I just wish all you guys didn't have such rad lives, to make this classy lady feel a little bit deflated.

Dont' give me love advice, don't tell me how crappy your life is to make me feel better. Just count your many blessings...

Life in Boise.

Well, I moved all my crap down from my Moscow Apartment, well not all. I brought all my books, clothes, DJ Equipement, Sporting equipment, TV and VCR and all the other random crap I had accumulated along the way.

I hate all my possessions. I hate them. In the new place there isn't a lot of storage so everything is just sort of piled up in corners. And heres the thing, i am going to only be living there for 6 and a half more weeks. So I sort of have decided to just live this way. Surrounded by all my worldly goods.

So thats the apartment. It is a fantastic location. But it's a basement, older and there is a porch out front where all the hipsters of Boise gather. Also it is beneath a stairwell that everyone loudly uses to get to their upstairs apartment. The ceiling shakes many times every hour from foot traffic.

I work (don't get paid, paid tuition actually) as a clerk for the Idaho State Court of Appeals. It's a pretty great externship because the judges are all so nice. Also their clerks are pretty helpful as well. I have projects/cases they assign me, i do research for days, write an opinion and then have the judges secretary go over it with a fine tooth comb. Then the judge looks at it, and tells me what to fix. So far I have just one opinion done, and the judge will meet with me soon to tell me how bad it was. Another judge gave me a bigger project so i am still in the researching phase.

I also go to summer school Tuesday and Thursday nights from 5-7. It is a pretty laid back class of 7 students and a Family Law Attorney who looks like Kenny Rogers as the professor. I like it. It reminds me of law school and I miss law school.

Speaking of missing law school, I have decided to finish my third year in Moscow. They opened up a campus (a glorified Conference room, think University of Phoenix type sterile environment) in Boise and gave us the option to come down here for school. I couldn't decide and made multiple pro's and con's lists and said, "ok to Boise i go". But now I am having second thoughts. I miss my beloved Moscow, and it's small town-ness and how life is just easy there, and after nearly 2 years, i am very comfortable there. So...I am going back.

But this summer will still be great. I have a ton of goals...like the usual rawsome, p90X, run 5 marathons etc. But i have some new ones too. I want to improve on my writing, researching and thinking as a lawyer. I also want to go on little mini day trips every weekend to checkout this southern part of Idaho. I am also planning a trip to Utah for a baby shower, a trip to Rexburg, just to remember how it used to be, a trip to Burley to see a law school friend, (we are both single, mormon and tall so we have a lot to vent about) and then obviously the big trip to AZ to spend some time with Sophie, Livy, Gibson and everyone else.

So that is just a little bit of free writing about whats going on.

Yes, I am still alive. A lot more tired these days, but alive.

I hope everyone is well.

UPDATE

Moved to Boise....

Cried on the way down here.

I have an infected, goopy eye.

I felt a cold sore coming in, so I went to the clinic to get Valtrex, I still have a yucky scab.

I have a sore throat, and a congested face and I feel terrible.

I have been doing a Pro-Bono mini externship (no pay) at the Federal Building...it is about 200 yards from my front door so i just walk here.

I got fat during finals from eating so much China Buffet. Now I don't fit into my clothes.

I have a new little niece named Sophie Joy, who was born 2 weeks ago...and I wish I could see her.

I don't have any of my furniture here, it is still in Moscow, and will be arriving within the month. But I still need to get a bed and couches. A friend is storing her couches at my place, so I sleep on those.

I am bloody poor, and it sucks.

Thats It. Love you all.

jodi

The Fade.

yes, it has happened again. The "Fade".

you start going out with someone, it seems great, but then after a little bit of time, in my case 3 weeks, they start texting less, calling less, and all in all wanting to hang out less. I laugh because i am actually too busy to spend much time thinking and fixating and obsessing about it. And we both knew it wouldn't last since I am leaving in 2 weeks. But I always have to laugh at the fade. I don't think anyone knows how to say, "yeah, I'm done Peace out". I can't decide if it's because we as daters are spineless, or we just aren't too sure if we are done with the person, and the "fade" buys us some time and maybe even the option to reconsider later. For whatever reason, if I ever do get married, I am going to miss the stealthy, we-both-know-whats-going-on-but-aren't-going-to-acknowledge-that-we-know-it "fade out".

Don't ask me about the boy, it was very casual, he is 27 and loves motorcycles, and it was as always a great ego boost to get some attention from the younger man (not much has changed in all these years).

But all you readers out there, humor me and post in the comments either 1. your most hilarious/painful fade out (where you got dumped) or 2. the agony/awkwardness/relief of being the fader (dumping someone). I am just curious about everyone's experiences or memories with the "FADE".

on top of the world.

Lately I have been feeling cute and stylie. I have about 10 pairs of boots, some from Thrift, some from Last Chance and I also bought 3 pairs at the Macy's boot/shoe sale a few weeks ago. I rock leggings now, wear jewelry, put makeup on everyday, try to keep my grays covered and basically just look smoking hot everyday. But as I was about to completely indulge myself in vanity....I came across this beautiful picture again, and was quickly brought back to reality. YIKES.

Roomates.

I was living in downtown Mesa, in the historic district. My room was the basement. It was rad. I had a wood burning stove, that didn't actually work, but i decorated it with candles and plants. I had my home made hippie beads strung up in the doorway. I had a couch and my bed and a closet full of thrift store goodenss, it was the raddest room i had ever had, in the most perfect house. I would walk to the library, walk to Milanno's Music, ride my bike to Pete's Fish and Chips in other words, I was happy.

And then after 4 months of bliss it happened.

The normal roomates moved out, and the girl with all the unicorn/fantasy decorations moved in. There they were in the common area. A unicorn statute, multiple unicorn mirrors, a unicorn music box, some sort of magician poster, and many other decorations along these lines.

I was mortified, my perfect existence had turned into fantasy land. This women was in her mid-thirties. Here she was invading the common areas with all this maddness.

I immediately decided I would move out of this hell hole.

I like to think back on all the places I have lived, on all the people I have shared common areas with. As of late I have decided to be a lone wolf, and to live alone. I think I have earned it. I have learned what I needed to learn by sharing apartments, houses, etc. with the single Mormon Women of the West. I am done with the sharing.

I found a one-bedroom in Boise's Northend. So glad I won't be calling the institute, getting names of available housing, and going through the whole room mate thing again. I am a grownup. And I can't chance an infusion of unicorns...I just can't.

The men i meet online.

Here is something you need to know if you are single, or will be soon. Once you are in your 30's. Men think you are free game. All men. Sometimes a 21 year old will send me a "flirt" telling me something like, "wink" or "i'm interested". Sometimes a 74 year old with 5 kids and 19 grandkids will tell me "love at first sight" or "You're Hot!"(my confidence cup overflows)...and then men of all ages use the "I think your the one" if they are getting down to business or the "What's up" if they want you to know hey I'm casual, ain't no thang.

Lately I have met some interesting men on LDS Planet. I meet real ones (aka men in real time too). I mean, we all remember the kid in the Lucky Charms Scrubs who was into Rita and asked me if she was single because he saw her picture on my profile. But what you don't know is that one time a man in Tennessee who i felt bad for because he looked like a Hill Billy and was 68, and just seemed sad, and kept telling me "I'm not interested, but your profile says you like Bob Seager and I like Bob Seagar so lets be friends....". After a few one liners, he told me he could send me a money order, because he had money, and he just wanted us to talk on the phone, and he could pay if I couldn't pay. What??

Or how about the attractive 30 year old man who immediately thought i was his soulmate because he had been praying to heavenly father (God) for someone who understood him and I thought he was attractive so immediately i understood him. I tried to give him a chance, even though he was paying 55 percent of his income to the mothers of his children...but i am gonna have serious student debt when i get out of here, at best I need my future mans income to help pay off my debt, or at least not be paying for his 3 kids. Shoot. Is that wrong? In the end though, if someone is a stranger, and they aren't good on paper, walk away. No need falling for someone in Philly with a financial mess (he didn't even have a cell phone bc he couldn't afford it) when I got mens all over the place who are in financial messes. Just saying.

Then there was my favorite Ryan, he is still my facebook friend. He was 31, lives in Virginia I think, and we emailed back and forth for a few months. At one point i said, 'can we take this to the next level and maybe talk on the phone or ichat'. He said I was moving too fast.


Online loves... you might be out there, but you sure are tricky to discover. Shoot.

Home to AZ for Spring Break

I love being in AZ. The best people (and dog) are there. I had a great time. I can't wait to meet baby Sophie on my next trip.

HI EVERYONE

Just posting telling you all i have been pretty busy, and I want to post soon enough. Also i am sorry i haven't been commenting on your blogs too much either. Check back soon. I hopefully will be posting soon.

Daily Veggie Shake.

A normal day.

A veggie shake needed to be made.

Spinach base, radish sprouts, lentil sprouts, alphalpha sprouts, 4 stalks of celery, flax seed, chia seed, prunes, cranberries, apple, water, and carrots.

Usually i make this shake without sprouts

Brought two red cup fulls to school.

I guess they stunk....


What i heard from classmates.

1. "Jodi, that drink smells like a Fart, don't drink that, and get it away from me".
2. "Put a lid on that &%$@#".
3. "Jodi, we are all glad your getting skinnier, but that drink stinks".


I left the room, tried to force the rest down, gagged on it in the bathroom (these drinks need to be consumed slowly). I guess i will drinking veggie drinks at home.


XO

Low Self Esteem at the Great Clips...

So I am now Coupon Girl, i think it all started when my mom was a bargain shopper and would by clearanced clearance items. Then I got a bit of my own money and realized that I was definitely following in my moms footsteps...I loved the bargain too. I actually chose my law school based on price. And here in Moscow it has culminated, as I use a coupon for almost everything. So when the seasonal student coupon book comes out, i am one happy girl. Besides restaurants, there are a few other deals, on oil changes, tans and hair cuts.

So here I am showing up at the Great Clips, coupon in hand. Right now my hair is basically the simplest style to cut. I have bangs, all one length, and the rest of it is one length blunt cut. Thats why I don't feel bad getting a 7 dollar haircut...it's not that hard. Plus i am gonna tip a good 5 dollars, and it takes them 10 min. so i feel like it is a win/win for all involved.

That is until I say, "I want about an inch off the bottom, however, if it needs a little bit more so be it" and she says, "yeah, an inch will help a little, but there is damage and breakage all through your hair...You are gonna need to start repairing your hair to take care of all this damage" Who says that????

You see, at Great Clips, the cutters make 8 dollars an hour i think, but they get a commission off the products they sell you. So what better way to make me want to buy "Biolage Hair Strengthening Syrum" then by telling me how damaged and dry and broken my hair is. Honestly is a 7 dollar haircut worth that kind of abuse. I am not so sure. Right now my hair is the healthiest it has been in years....and I don't care what cut of the proceeds hair cutter gets, Please don't tell me how crappy my hair is...Blar.

Good Choices/Bad Choices.....lead to good result or bad result.

It was Thanksgiving break. I was flying home to AZ like I always do, whenever there is a break. On the first leg of the flight i sat by an interesting 15 year old, who i instantly liked. We talked about religion, misscariages (his mom had miscarried his sister when she was 6 months along) and saving sex for later (not marriage for him, he didn't want to get married, but just later) and not endulging in drugs or alcohol.

On the second leg of the flight from Portland to Phoenix, I sat my a man in his late 40's, who after a bit of pleasantries, I found out is a decision maker guru. In other words he goes around and teaches people (mostly high paid executives for corporations) how to make decisions, he basically gives one tools on how to make decisions.

We used the ever elusive decision of what type of law I want to practice, as the "example/proto-type" decision. He gave me many tools to use...which i am not going to talk about here. What I am going to talk about is the choice and the result connection. You see, my whole life I feel like I have been hitting a big brick wall. You see I was taught by my parents, by my church, basically by everything I ever believed in, if you make a good choice, you will get a good result (let's be honest I am talking about making my mormon dreams come true). However, he spoke of a concept that I had never had articulated either by someone else, or in my own mind. He said, "sometiems a good choice doesn't lead to a good result, and sometimes a bad choice will lead to a good result...but if you play the law of averages, the more good choices you make, the more good results you will reap, and the more bad choices you make, the more bad results you will reap.

Ok, so why am i talking about good and bad choices...well besides the obvious, that I am still trying to draw people to my life who will help me get to where I want to go. Recently, i applied to a Spring Break Exchange to South Korea. I jumped through all the hoops, wrote a little essay, sent in copies of my passport, had a professor write a letter of recomendation, etc. I was really excited for this program. I mean who doesn't want to go somewhere rad, for 10 days over spring break, for free. However, I just found out I didn't get accepted (i guess I am not the only one who wants to go somewhere rad, for 10 days, for free, over spring break). However, if I believe my traveleing companion...if i keep making good choices (applying for scholarship programs i think is a good choice), eventually I will get a good result, it's just the law of averages. So I guess, I am glad I made the choice to try to go on a little adventure, I guess i shouldn't count it as a total wash, becuase hopefully the next time I make a good choice...it will reap a good result. Oh yeah, and now I will probably go home for Spring Break, and thats gonna be good.

Rawsome Take 2

I was raw 100 percent for 15 whole days...which was amazing for me, the girl who couldn't even go 3 days after 1000 attempts. So here is attempt 1001, only this time i know what it takes to accomplish it. Alright I said it, lets see me do it again + more days.

Up all night.

So I should have planned better. But i woke up with serious cramps, which lead to sleeping in and missing 1 class, which lead to not being super productive, which lead to getting only a bit done, and then i met my Uncle Steve who is a ref. scout/reviewer for the NCAA at Applebees, and then we went to the game U of I Women's game, which lead to getting a late start on homework, which lead to staying up all night mostly working on an assignment that is due in 1 hour, which lead to finishing up at three thirty, which lead to watching 4 episodes of Gossip Girl, all of this while facing a full day of school/work ahead of me.

So I am ready for a big day. yay.

Double Gangers.

We are supposed to put up someone famous we look like for our facebook picture. Someone said it was double ganger week. Well here is my classy look alike. Miss Molly Shannon. You gotta admit, we could be sisters.

Rainy, Overcast, and Messy.

So it snowed last night and today. It has been amazing weather. And now it's not. To make matters worse my house is very, very messy. So I am going to clean it. When I come back i will post pictures of my space, very clean. Very organized. So hopefully that will be in a few hours. Yay!

90 Days.

I was chatting with Maren, my good Law friend on Facebook, she told me she was going to find love in 90 days, because of the book, "Love in 90 DAys"...so within 3 minutes I had bought it. It came a week later. It talks about 13 destructive dating patterns. I will share a few examples of the patterns.


The Flame Out-
This is one of the most common and deadliest of the Dating Patterns. You meet a guy, there's lots of sparks, and he says all the right things! You think to yourself, "He's different, he's the ONE." You are highter than a 747. You jump into the [makeout] and have mind-blowing, maybe even unprotected [making out]. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, or at least that's how you are reading what he says. Some of the texts and [facebook messages] he sends you are amaing . You talk for hours and he understands you in away that no one else does. You spend one glorious week/weekend together and then kaput. Finito, Nada. You sit there alone, making excuses for why his text, e-mail never comes.

I'll Make You Love Me
You're turned on by the challenge of changing and winning over a guy who has "potential." When you meet a guy you like, you immediately work overtime to get him: hoppping right into [making out], making exotic dinners, buying him things. You're not youreself when you are with him. You are too busy trying to be the inage of what you think he wanbts in a woman. You are his love slave, chef, massage therapist, and savior. All you want, consciously at least, is for him to stay and never leave you. What you get is a phone that never rings. Inronically, your overgiving may even propel him into the arms of another woman. When you finally get the news thorught the grapeving, you're completely baffled at how he could not have been into you.


Not Perfect-I'll Pass
Your best friend talks you into signing up for online dating. You interact with a number of men and quickly back out of seeing them because of various defects that each one has: this guy is too cynial that one has bad teeth, the other anxiously spilled his veggie green shake on his thrift store pants. The reality is you dont' even give them a chance to emerge and be who they are. No one is good enough.


Hmmm...of the 13 Destructive dating patterns, these are the three that resonated the most with me, and how i look at men. Now I haven't found love in 90 days, infact i skipped to this chapter, chapter two. And haven't read anything else. So i am not sure how to overcome these destructive dating patterns.


This post was just to let everyone I am not giving up, I am reading self-help and have renewed LDS Planet. Oh yeah, and I think Grandpa Goodman is still praying for me as i continue to journey on this ever so leanghty seach for love.

Gibson. My only nephew. I love him so much.

I don't have kids as most of you know. So I am not sure how much I will love my own kids. But I don't think I could love them anymore then I love ny neice Olivia and nephew Gibson. When Gibson smiles the whole room lights up. When Gibson laughs, I swear it's the sweetest sound. He is teething right now about 8 teeth at once, so he is hurting a bit and that little cry just breaks my heart. I love this little guy so much and am so greatful to his parents for being so amazing. Even though I wanted his name to be Jimmy James, Gibson fits his sweet personality and cute little face perfectly. My favorite thing he does right now is the roll over a ton of times to get where he is going. He is so strong he rolled over at 1 week. I truly miss being here to see him grow up, but thanks to ichat, I can still be apart of it.

Thrift Store Finds.

I used to have the best clothes. I promise, they were amazing. I spent years perfecting my collection. I had sweaters from the 1950's. I sported long skirts that i swore Native American Woman had embroidered themselves. My collection included about 10 vintage cowboy button ups, awesome 1960's flowing, hippie like dresses and about 100 other pieces of awesomeness. Over the years the collection grew slowly, but i wasn't afraid to throw a few things out.

Then I was moving to Reno, and my dad said i couldn't store anything at his home anymore, and my love interest at the time HATED my wardrobe. So I gave it all away, all of it. Only "normal" clothes for me. The reason i bring this up again, is that I miss those clothes. I think about them often with fondness. I hope they have all found, new good homes...with Stylie women who appreciate the awesomeness of every piece.

However, today I returned to a vintage thrift store. Well it had about 6 rows of vintage thrift clothes. As I was sorting through the inventory....memories of my stylie finds came back to me. Nothing I found in the vintage section could hold a candle to all I once I possessed. I am not sure if the clothes were just a weak selection, or if my taste has evolved over the last few years...but nothing was looking that great to me (at all).

However all was not lost. I ventured to the regular section of clothes. And found 3 pairs of jeans that were awesome (aka long enough for my long legs). I also bought 2 pairs of jeans at Last Chance this morning. That means 5 pairs of jeans for 36 dollars (not for 1 pair, but for all 5). And they all look great, and they are all long, and I gotta confess I have been wearing the same pair of jeans about 3x a week, and i recently discovered some wearing out in the crotch of those jeans, so it was time to make some new purchases.

Poncho Loves.

My mom is basically my fashion Icon. She is classy, simple, natural and does it all with bargains she scores at Ross. Beyond how she is now...she once was even more stylie. She used to wear POnchos. I tried to rock the pOncho in 9th grade. I distinctly remember a cold November night when i decided it was appropriate to wear one of my mothers "college" ponchos around the neighborhood. The boys were playing basketball at the Hunt's (a house 2 doors down). I vividly remember Scott Arnett (my crush from7th-9th grade) mocking my poncho. I remember the other girls rolling their eyes at my poncho. I thought the boys would appreciate my poncho, I thought they would find me earthy and natural...2 qualities I had admired in my mother.

Here I am, almost 20 years later. I brought up the ponchos to my mom, she said she knew exactly where they were. I went down stairs and found them. I put the ponchos on. I admired myself in the mirror. I noted how Earthy I looked. I noted how Natural I felt and looked in the poncho. The black poncho made me feel a like a hippie with class. The white and gray made me feel like a mountain goat shepheard.

"I am definitely rocking these ponchos in Moscow" i thought to myself. A few hours later i was attending the annual post Christmas gift exchange with the married girls of Lehi 4th Ward. We were chatting, and I decided to bounce the idea of poncho wearing off the girls. I wish I could say the consensus was mixed. However, every girl gave a thumbs down on the ponchos. One girl even said Tie Dye is better then poncho wearing. One girl (with intensity) said, "you don't want to be known as the girl who wears ponchos". All the girls thought that poncho wearing would impede my ultimate goal of getting married, and my intermediate goals of dressing cuter and dating attractive younger men. It was quite revealing how many of them were anti poncho. However, now that you have seen the pictures of me, rocking the ponchos...what do you think. Is there anytime, place, event that these ponchos might be the perfect attire??