Nothing....

I feel this responsibility to post, although i don't know what to say. It's not like anything fantastic is going on, but i will just throw abit out there, and hope it is well received. Remember earlier when i wrote about the attractive man who i met at Chili's and we went and saw 10,000 BC. Well he is everything I ever wanted in a man, except I hate, cannot stress this enough, I hate his voice. It is whiny, like a little boys only he is a 6'5 attractive as can be man. I don't know why voices mean so much, or if they don't it's just I can't handle this one. Shoot.

I have also been thinking about the past. I think that is what one does when nothing that great is going on in the present. But its not in a longing for it way. You see along time ago, back in college i fell in love with 2 men. They were best friends. I wrote them both on their missions. Anyways, at one point in time (and that point in time was my mission break, when i came home for parraistes) i spent a weekend with them both. To make a long story short, i was trying to choose, which one i wanted to be with, i couldn't choose. Well I chose to go back on my mission and spend 4 months in DC (that is another blog). Anyways I have always gone back to that decision. In my mind, these were the 2 greatest guys in the world. And i dropped the ball by not choosing.

Flash forward. I saw that my best friends Starr and Cameo had put pictures up of us on their blogs. And i decided to go through the pictures from college to find some to post on my blog. I ended up finding a few pictures of the boys mentioned above. And wouldn't you know it, I wasn't attracted to them at all ( maybe it's good, i am not attracted to 20 year olds) but the thing is, I am free. I kept using that as a scape goat or a way to be hard on myself when everyone elses Mormon dreams come true, and mine don't. I would think, "Jo you really dropped the ball with that one or with him", be it 10 years or 1 year ago, I would revisit a choice and think, "OH if only". I think I am one of those woman, who was super hard on herself for what she did or didn't do, not realizing that I always did what I wanted ( i just questioned it later, when things didn't go the way i wanted, always the grass is greener gal), I always lived the life, Jodi had to live, do i wish it was way cooler in some ways, hell yeah. Point is "oh well".

So what, men I have loved (and i have loved many since Ricks college, thank goodness) are gonna love me or not. Most are going to choose (and have) other women to share their lives with, woman who are skinnier or fatter than me, woman who have been married before and left their first husbands for no good reason, woman who are beauty schoolers, woman who are doctors, woman who are 19. That is their choice.

My choice, is to blog about it until I feel better, just kdding but it is true. My choice is to do what i am supposed to be doing (my mom will love that one) and I can try to stop being grass is greener all the time too. I just wish that tall drink of water didn't have the whiny voice, it would make things a bit better.

So this is a new leaf, a new chapter. No more longing for the past, no more if only's, and what could have been's... I guess i did have something to say. I always do.