The LESSON!

Today was the ever dreaded "Celestial Marriage" Lesson in Releif Society (the class that is only for woman, where we talk about the church doctrines that apply only to us as woman) aka "get your cry on, if you are still in the singles ward." There are 7 phases to the emotions one woman more mature in years feels as she is sitting in the celestial marriage lesson. Now these emotions can be felt by the 19 year old, who had her heart set on a marriage at 18, and is living day to day craving the marriage life, or they can be felt by the 40 year old who is taking classes at the local university and is still in the singles ward, who decided at 38 it was time to get on with it. The point is age doesn't matter, what matters is where the innermost desires of your heart are at, and how close to the surface these desires are. Anyways here are the 7 phases.

1. Annoyance- The teacher announces the substance/theme of the lesson will be "Celestial Marriage," all at once thoughts come up like, "not again, we talk about this all the time" or "yeah, i get it...i have gotten it since i was 11 that i needed to be married in the temple, telling me over and over isn't making that happen any faster."

2. Envy (with a bit of annoyance holding over)- This happens when the teacher turns to the few married girls (who are in the single R.S. because their husbands are in the bishoprics or something) to expound upon the blessings that they have received because of their marriages, and they go on and on, about how they never felt "whole" as a single, and how marriage is "the best thing that ever happened to them" and i am thinking, I want to be whole, and I want the best thing to ever happen to me, to happen. Shoot, I want what these girls got.

3. Reflection- I think back upon the opportunities i once had. I think "Why didn't I take the chance to marry that Darren, who was a good guy and would have treated me right. I was too busy chasing "Stan, the jerk who looked good, and made my stomach flip, but never even paid for a meal and told me i needed to be skinnier?" This reflection leads to guilt.

4. Guilt and Self Blame- Maybe I am getting what i deserve. Maybe this is all my fault. In all of these lessons, they are telling me that if I "do everything I can do, and am completely righteous" then all my mormon dreams will come true. I wasn't doing everything I could do. Shoot. And I didnt give Darren a chance. I deserve all my loneliness, i will die a lonely old woman, this is all my fault.

5. Church Blame- This church taught me since i was a little girl, I would get married. If they hadn't taught me that, I would have planned my life differently, instead of sticking around these Mormon Mecas I would have headed out to Portugal, Greece and Turkey to live the life, and see the world. I am sick of waiting around for something that is never gonna happen, and I am mad at the church for getting my hopes up for something that is never gonna happen, I could have lived in Nepal. Shoot.

6. Hope- Then my mind starts thinking, maybe there is still a chance. A glimmer of hope pokes it way through all the anger, blame and annoyance. First, someone in the class will tell a story about the old lady who was true to her beliefs and eventually some man (maybe an apostle) fell in love with her, and gave her what she had been waiting for, never mind that the child baring years were long gone, she finally got to get married, after all the long years of waiting. Then, I will think about my patriartical blessing...there's a little hope in there.

7. Acceptance- Then there will be a scripture or thought shared about "The Lords timetable is not ours" or the need for patience and then we are off again, thinking hopefully there is a good reason, that all our relationships have ended in failure, and that there must be something waiting for us in the future, afterall we chose this route, we did the best we could with the information we had at that time, and these are our choices, as grownups we have to live with them, and no one likes someone whiny anyways, so we better just buck up, and try to look cute, and hopefully one day we won't have to listen to these "Celestial Marriage" lessons as singles.