Dave Mathews

the ticket and the rain outside the window
view of the Gorge and all the concert goers
this is a picture of me trying to make it happne with the Oregon boys (twins) when i say, "make it happen" i mean talk to them so i don't have to talk to the knitter or think about my lonliness while Dave sings "crash into me". One of the Oregon boys (not the twins) was very drunk and very crude. I kept having to say, "i am a classy lady" to remind him to keep his desires to himself
this is the gang i went with
the concert lights, lighting up the Washington sky






So this concert was a few weeks ago. But I will go through the complete narative.

Adam asked me if I wanted to go to Dave Mathews Band at the Gorge, which is a venue in Eastern Washington that is supposed to be super awesome, and for some reason, it got put on my list of things to do while i am in the inland northwest, "87. go see a concert at the Gorge". So of course, I said "Yes".

He had three extra tickets, and I was under the impression that the other two tickets would be given/purchased by someone in the law school pool. By mid summer, i knew I wanted my man to come with me, but because he would be living 8 hours away from Moscow, it would not be clear if he would be able to come. So I told Adam to make sure to save one of the tickets for me just in case, and if he couldn't come, then we would find someone else, Adam agreed.

Flash forward to the week school started. I called Adam to see if there was an extra ticket. He said, "no", he had given them to his neighbors. I had to call and tell my "friend" that there wasnt' a ticket. He broke up with me 4 days later (I don't blame the lack of ticket on the ending of our love, but...I do think Dave Mathews is pretty romantic, and it might of caused a change of heart, if he could have been there.

So I didn't want to go. I hate, hate, hate being the third wheel, or worse being the 5th wheel, when my heart is healing due to an recently ended relationship (Family think Disney Land after Aaron, Friends think Rocky Point after Cardon...nothing is more pathetic than trying to eat fish tacos at Flavio's with tears running down your sunburned cheeks or standing in the line for "Splash Mountain", sobbing on your brother's shoulder uncontrollably).

But Adam kept calling and inviting. It was Labor Day Weekend, and I thought maybe a little music would be nice. So off we went. In a tiny Tercel. While some girl in Adam's Ward who instantly annoyed me, was trying to knit. We were in a moving vehicle and I have this fear of being impailed and there she was knitting and singing to herself with the biggest knitting needle. All the while the weather is getting worse. It became clear going to an outdoor concert in the middle of a storm was the not the best idea.

So we got to the little town called George, just outside of the Gorge. We were starving. However, the Subway (the only restaurant) was closed. They were out of bread. So we ate gas station chicken strips and peanut M&M's. We drove to the Gorge, and wouldn't you know it, it started to rain. And rain hard. We sat in that Tercel for 2 hours. The longest 2 hours of my life. The knitting continued. Only now the car got humid and the windows fogged up. It was AGONY. I started to get so angry/claustrophobic. Thoughts ran through my mind..."why am i here with people I don't know/don't like", "why does that girl have to knit", "why didn't i learn my lesson after Disneyland and Rocky Pointe not to travel with heart wounds" etc. Thus, I was in the depths of feeling sorry for myself.

But then, I decided that I would have a positive attitude. And then the rain subsided. And then we found the perfect place to listen to the concert, and then the opening band was a amazing, and then I made friends with some funny drunk guys from Oregon, and then Dave came on, and then it was awesome.

I have seen the Dave Mathews Band play in Phoenix. Ryan from the kayak club invited me, and we had 5th row seats which were amazing. These seats on the grass, on the slope of the mountain were not that great. But the music was good. The company was good(besides the knitter, and we didn't really speak or sit by each other). And all in all, I was glad I went (sort of).

Bonus, the girl didn't knit, or if she did I didn't know because I slept the whole way home.

Money...

I need to find a way to make monies... the worst thing I ever did, (well i do lots of crappy things) was come to law school with debt. Car debt (but i love the Element), credit card debt, and a condo, that has turned into a money pit. All those purchases were fine on a teachers 33K a year salary. But now I gots student loan money to pay for my debts. Thats the worst...paying debt with debt. I wish I would have listened to those prophets who told me to live within my means.

On a lighter note, whenever I get depressed about finances, I just think "i kept my scholarship, I am getting school on the cheap and I have learned my lessons about money". So everyone let's listen to the prophets and get out of debt and stay out of debt. Amen.

Livy.

I miss my little niece. She is growing up so fast now and I am states away from her. I hope that Sumo and Rita are teaching her my name because I feel jealous everyone else gets to hear their name being said by this sweet little lady.

These pics were taken long ago, but i don't think Rita has ever seen them, they sure are cute huh?

What I wish I would have done differently.

You know how people say, "I wouldn't change a thing, because then I wouldn't be where I am!!!!"....

I am not one of those people.

Today, my friend Josh got a new haircut. There a bit of debate, on whether this was a buzz or a flat top or "stepping it down a level" (whatever that means). After saying it was a buzz, but then recanting and saying "it's a flat top" probably 5x too many so that Josh was mad i kept saying it. One of our friends asked me, "Jodi, have you ever wanted to shave your head?" The answer of course is absolutely. I have wanted to shave my head for years. But I kept hearing the same thing from family and friends, plus there was always this fear/belief, that if I did shave my head to a Sinead O'Connor bic-ness, the man I was meant to marry would show up and not be into the shaved hair goddess that I was. So I kept my hair a respectable length...Although I did color it every color of the rainbow, had baby bangs when my hair was blue black, got "black girl braids" in along with beads and shells woven into the synthetic hair. So I guess in those respects I have no regrets, and who knows maybe "the man that was supposed to be my husband didn't like baby bangs, or bright red highlights, but thats neither here nor there.

Point is. I really wish I could have shaved my head, it is a true sign of either not caring what people think, or dying for attention a person will do anything (i could never settle on which of these two reasons were mine). I probably would have shaved it when my mom went through Chemo, but I was a sister Missionary at the time in El Salvador and I have feeling the white handbook said something about "no extreme hair cuts." And now that my dad is losing his hair, I guess i could use that as an excuse, but I got interviews at law firms, I think they wouldn't be into a shaved head, much like the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints isn't into it.



IN one of my favorite Ricks College Movies (movie's i watched during Rick's College) Empire Records, there is a line I will never forget, "I do not regret the things I have done but those I did not do". I completely agree with this...

the Love.

Thanks for the Love. I didnt' mean to come off whiny in the last post, well maybe that was my plan all along. Good news is my dad is doing great after his first Chemo treatment, which took 8 days in the hospital. He sort of set a new record for laps around the floor (the doctors told him moving around would be a good idea) so he took it to a new level, that only my dad could do. Which means walking around the hospital as many times as he could, many times a day. This makes me laugh because I can just see him walking around that hospital so many times, saying "hello" or "good morning" to everyone he saw. I love the energy, the friendliness, the spirit of my Pops.

I was sleepy after getting back into town this evening. Every part of me was saying, "go to sleep little lady...you are almost 32 so you can do whatever you want". But I had an outline due for McNicol's (an in school brief writing competition, worth 2 credits) at 10 am. So alas here I am at the law school, plugging away (well taking a break to blog)...but if my Pops can wear out the carpet in the hospital from power walking all about, I can pull an all-nighter and just get this thing done...

thanks for the inspiration Pops.

thanks for the love blog readers (friends and family). I needed you.

I suppose....

I suppose it's Ok to tell my blog readers what is really going on with me. Maybe just a little bit of truth will do my blog and my heart good.

I am nursing a bruised heart, not broken but definitely wounded. I found a love and lost him. He was a good man. And I miss him more than I expected to.

I am worried about my dad who has Lymphoma. I am worried about my mom and for the feelings she must be dealing with, for the fears that must be filling her mind, but I am also hopeful. My parents are strong both physically and mentally, but also spiritually and they will be fine.

I am apprehensive about turning 32 in a few weeks. Not the age, but that it seems after all this time, and all the relationships I have been in, I am further away from finding a man to share my life with, then I have ever been (at least the way I see it).

I am overwhelmed with school...the first few weeks I was utterly useless, and now that I have sort of snapped out of my depression/haze/numbness, I am not sure if I can accomplish all that I need to, including resume, cover letters and a writing sample posted so I can interview for jobs, the reading assignments that i skimmed or didn't do, that need to be caught up with, a huge research paper I need to complete.

I am unsure what the future holds in a way I have never been before. My world and the way I see it, has changed dramatically.

the people above me.

so i live in a basement apartment. It's actually the bottom of a big three story house. Anyways, I think my room must be just below a kitchen or living room, somewhere that gets a lot of foot traffic...because i can hear "them" above me walking and moving about...especially at 7 am...oh well. I still love my apt. Hopefully the feeling will last.

Trying to get into the swing of things....

Lately I have just not been into it. School, Life, Socializing, working out....well i take that back I am into working out. Thus i know I am not totally hopeless, just a little on the bruised side. But I have a new motivation to try to make this semester awesome, I passed the MPRE, which is the Multi State Professional Responsibility Exam. It is a requirement that was added awhile back in addition to every states Bar Exam Requirement. I took it at the beginning of Aug. in Phoenix. Just so you know, it is supposed to be pretty easy to pass, or should I say pretty hard to not pass...but you never know.

So I just gotta say I rocked it this summer. With an A- and an A in the two classes i took. In addition to the pass I got in the 1 week mediation seminar...I pretty much rocked it. So I guess I have a little push in the right direction, and the right direction is get out of law school, with a good gpa as soon as possible (DEC 2010 is the dream). So "YAY" for ME!! and "Shoot and Sorry" to everyone who didn't pass it. But thems the breaks.

Not a winner.

When i was in highschool/jr. high. I ran for and won every election. Well that is discounting when I ran for something I think was called "Fine Arts Commissioner" and lost. But I could still run for Jr. Class President, a few weeks later and did so, and won. I was Student Body Vice-President at Kino Jr. High, Sophomore Vice President, Jr. Clss President, and my senior year I was Athletics Commissioner (which meant i was on the mike for all the assemblies).

When I was at Ricks College, MCC, ASU, Ottawa and I guess i will throw in Rio Salado(although I doubt that the online campus has student government, but it's possible)I didn't want to be in Student Government, i was burnt out and just wanted to hang out with my friends and dress in cute thrift store clothes.

In Law School I got my second wind to be involved in student government. However the luck/popularity I experienced in Highschool has not transferred over to Law School. In other words I keep losing. I lost to be the president of the J. Reuben Clark Law Society (the Mormon Law Club). I lost today to be the representative for the 2L Class (really thought i had this one). I guess I am just a loser now. Thats alright, Highschool is where it really counted anyways right? At least my self esteem isn't really tied to these losses, or is it just a little... who knows. At least I don't have the inflated ego I had in High School where i thought the school "needed me and only me" to get the job done. I know the law school will be run just fine without me, and i think that is what really matters.

In Financial Troubles....and life troubles.

I forgot to fill out my fasfa, I have no more money for a few more weeks. This is the worst financial trouble I've been in for awhile. I also have alot of other stresses (much like everyone else) and i am trying to keep it all together. It's not easy. I do appreciate those who have been helping me try to keep it together. To top it all off I turn 32 this month. I didn't think I would still have so much to figure out and accomplish at 32, i foolishly thought that i would have most "life experiences" checked off the list by now, and at the very least would have found the man to share my life with...But life doesn't turn out like we thought (at least not this life). But I have learned that, "no man is an island" and I am still grateful for the love and support I am feeling from all those around me.

I found this on my friends Facebook Page. I really liked it. It was written by a black woman, they always seem to have a lot of confidence. I liked it

A Woman's Worth
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Friday, June 12, 2009 at 2:42pm
In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the
question:

'What kind of man are you looking for?'

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, 'Do you really want to know?'

Reluctantly, he said, 'Yes.

She began to expound, 'If I took the attitude of a woman in this day and age, I could say I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself? I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man... or woman for that matter.
Nonetheless, from a different perspective, I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, 'I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.


He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.


She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don't need a
simple-minded man.
I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.
I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't
need a financial burden.
I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.
I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships.
Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man.
I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.
I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.
I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business.
I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.
And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.


When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot. '
She replied, "I'm worth a lot."




"Never allow someone to
be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option."