Thursday, November 24, 2011

I'm in a funk. Really. Being back in AZ has been good in some ways, but very very lonely in others. It has something to do with returning to your hometown, and feeling like I am going backwards. And something else to do with leaving all my friends, and a community I love. Strange but true for me. Additionally, I think it comes down to a severe loss of motivation (this is the root, I have a lack of motivation to work out, be social, even get ready for the day). Really. I know everyone has problems. I know this. I get this. My logical brain has developed by leaps and bounds. And yet, this Thanksgiving season, I have a hard time giving thanks. I see what others have and what I don't. That isn't just a husband and family. Although that is part of it. It is a job. It is a home of my own. It is confidence that it will all work out. It is looking back and not trading your choices for anything (I wish I could have a do-over sometimes). And then I think...what if one thing was taken away. For example, what if all my skin got burned, so I looked like that guy who won dancing with the stars, with scars. What if a hand got chopped off. What if I lost my sight. What if I had a cold sore 100 percent of the time. Now that would be horrible. What if I didn't have my mind anymore. What if I lost a sibling.

When I start thinking like this, I realize I have things to be Thankful for. Lot's of things. Things I take for granted, because all I can see most of the time is what I don't have. That is just sad because I have so much.


Jodiane said...

It is my observation that people miss seeing how truly amazing they are because they are too busy comparing themselves to someone else.

Jodiane said...

Attitudes are self created. You are free to choose to be victimized by circumstance or people, or you could choose to look at life with an open mind and be victorious. No one else can choose your attitude for you. Your perspective and choice of attitude gives you the power to be in control, and that is the essence of freedom.

Jaime S. said...

i have a cold sore right now. it really makes me grateful for the times i don't. although for some reason they aren't as devastating as they use to be. glad that you can logically see your blessings. hold on to that until you can feel your blessings. it'll come.