So poor.

I owe a lot of money to a lot of people. I hate being poor, in debt and currently helpless to remedy the situation as I am studying for the bar. I wouldn't change the decision to go to law school. I loved it. I miss it. I can't believe how lucky I am that I got to live my dreams. I don't even want babies right now. Not till I am in my late 30's. Not sure if I keep pushing it back because I have to adjust to the reality of the situation or if it's what I really want. I think it's what I really want. Oh but I adore being an aunt, to the three loveliest ladies, and one handsome little gentleman. How did I get so lucky. I am surrounded by the best people in the world. I love living on the "organic compound". We have apple trees, fresh grapes off the vine, cumquats, a garden with squash, tomatoes, cucumbers and peppers. And i grow sprouts and am starting wheat grass trays. I drink a veggie shake every day. I love it. I think I am interesting and hilarious and smart. Probably the three most important traits a person could have, in my humble opinion. And I think I am beautiful. Am I allowed to think these things. To really finally like myself, sometimes I can't even handle it. After all the years of self-doubt (oh it's still here, just way different) and heaven help us eating disorders and lame dudes (yeah, they are still here too, i just wish there were either more of them, or better quality, I can't decide). I am so happy when I work hard, that is the secret of life I know it. Why am I ever lazy. I finally know what makes me happy, working my ass off. That applies to school, djing, working out, and hopefully soon being a lawyer. And I have the best sister in the world, and she loves me just the way I am. That's lucky. Right now what I want for my dad and mom is for them to be 100 percent raw foodists. And it goes with out saying I want to be the greenest, most organic, locally grown, wild raw foodie in the WEST!! Oh yeah, I want to run really fast, and have fresher breath, and not snore. So here are my thoughts, I know they are random and not organized. But life is sweet, I sort of get that right now.