Update. I feel lame that i only post with updates. The thing is, i am not feeling creative, or chatty, or willing to share anything that is going on. I feel like law school and doing the extern(working for no pay, only paying for credit) has sucked the creativity out of me.

Other thing, i don't really feel inspired by anything as of late. I miss the girl who used to write horrible poetry of loved lost, and pain and rebirth (i was in 8th grade) because she felt things. This lady that i have become doesn't really have a voice anymore. I am just trying to be gramatically correct all day when i am writing my draft opinions, and i am trying to not look online too much while i am at work.

The girl who works upstairs my classmate, got offered a job by the Idaho Supreme Court today. No one has even mentioned me even applying downstairs at the appealate court. I guess it sort of hurts my feelings, i mean pride. It makes me feel like I am not doing a good job. Isn't it funny how you think you are doing ok, and have no complaints, and then you read about someone else's successes, and suddenly you feel lower...I think that is how i feel a bit whenever i hear someone has a job, a fantastic husband/boyfriend, etc. I am alright with how everything is going, but then someone else celebrates via facebook, the blog, or just normal conversations, and I get to thinking, "shoot, i want some of that".

For instance, today i was reading someone's facebook bio. It said, "i love my life, i am the luckiest girl in the world". I gotta tell you, i never feel like that. I sort of feel like life has dealt me the short end of the stick. And yeah, yeah, i know that money doesn't buy happiness, and i suppose you can try to tell me, finding love won't make you any happier because, you gotta learn to be happy by yourself, or whatever lame things people say to us leftovers....but honestly, I never really cared about money. I would listen to "Pillow Talk" on my clock radio I got for my 10th birthday, and songs like, "Making Love out of Nothing at all", "power windows" and one that said, "even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you honey..." and i had it all figured out at 10. I was gonna be poor and in love and happy.

Flash forward, um 22 years. And here i am about 200k in debt. (99K Mortgage + 15K undergad debt. + 76K graduating from law debt. + a bunch of credit card debt) and now I am worse than poor, and haven't been in love ( i want to say ever, but i will say for years, just to sound optimistic). It's not that great.

So here i am in the Perkins (it's a restaurant parking lot where they have free internet), checking my facebook, blog, lds planet and email...and I just gotta repeat... IT'S NOT THAT GREAT!. No i'm not on my period, no I don't want you to feel sorry for me, but I just wish all you guys didn't have such rad lives, to make this classy lady feel a little bit deflated.

Dont' give me love advice, don't tell me how crappy your life is to make me feel better. Just count your many blessings...