Billy Falcon - Power Windows

Update. I feel lame that i only post with updates. The thing is, i am not feeling creative, or chatty, or willing to share anything that is going on. I feel like law school and doing the extern(working for no pay, only paying for credit) has sucked the creativity out of me.

Other thing, i don't really feel inspired by anything as of late. I miss the girl who used to write horrible poetry of loved lost, and pain and rebirth (i was in 8th grade) because she felt things. This lady that i have become doesn't really have a voice anymore. I am just trying to be gramatically correct all day when i am writing my draft opinions, and i am trying to not look online too much while i am at work.

The girl who works upstairs my classmate, got offered a job by the Idaho Supreme Court today. No one has even mentioned me even applying downstairs at the appealate court. I guess it sort of hurts my feelings, i mean pride. It makes me feel like I am not doing a good job. Isn't it funny how you think you are doing ok, and have no complaints, and then you read about someone else's successes, and suddenly you feel lower...I think that is how i feel a bit whenever i hear someone has a job, a fantastic husband/boyfriend, etc. I am alright with how everything is going, but then someone else celebrates via facebook, the blog, or just normal conversations, and I get to thinking, "shoot, i want some of that".

For instance, today i was reading someone's facebook bio. It said, "i love my life, i am the luckiest girl in the world". I gotta tell you, i never feel like that. I sort of feel like life has dealt me the short end of the stick. And yeah, yeah, i know that money doesn't buy happiness, and i suppose you can try to tell me, finding love won't make you any happier because, you gotta learn to be happy by yourself, or whatever lame things people say to us leftovers....but honestly, I never really cared about money. I would listen to "Pillow Talk" on my clock radio I got for my 10th birthday, and songs like, "Making Love out of Nothing at all", "power windows" and one that said, "even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you honey..." and i had it all figured out at 10. I was gonna be poor and in love and happy.

Flash forward, um 22 years. And here i am about 200k in debt. (99K Mortgage + 15K undergad debt. + 76K graduating from law debt. + a bunch of credit card debt) and now I am worse than poor, and haven't been in love ( i want to say ever, but i will say for years, just to sound optimistic). It's not that great.

So here i am in the Perkins (it's a restaurant parking lot where they have free internet), checking my facebook, blog, lds planet and email...and I just gotta repeat... IT'S NOT THAT GREAT!. No i'm not on my period, no I don't want you to feel sorry for me, but I just wish all you guys didn't have such rad lives, to make this classy lady feel a little bit deflated.

Dont' give me love advice, don't tell me how crappy your life is to make me feel better. Just count your many blessings...

Life in Boise.

Well, I moved all my crap down from my Moscow Apartment, well not all. I brought all my books, clothes, DJ Equipement, Sporting equipment, TV and VCR and all the other random crap I had accumulated along the way.

I hate all my possessions. I hate them. In the new place there isn't a lot of storage so everything is just sort of piled up in corners. And heres the thing, i am going to only be living there for 6 and a half more weeks. So I sort of have decided to just live this way. Surrounded by all my worldly goods.

So thats the apartment. It is a fantastic location. But it's a basement, older and there is a porch out front where all the hipsters of Boise gather. Also it is beneath a stairwell that everyone loudly uses to get to their upstairs apartment. The ceiling shakes many times every hour from foot traffic.

I work (don't get paid, paid tuition actually) as a clerk for the Idaho State Court of Appeals. It's a pretty great externship because the judges are all so nice. Also their clerks are pretty helpful as well. I have projects/cases they assign me, i do research for days, write an opinion and then have the judges secretary go over it with a fine tooth comb. Then the judge looks at it, and tells me what to fix. So far I have just one opinion done, and the judge will meet with me soon to tell me how bad it was. Another judge gave me a bigger project so i am still in the researching phase.

I also go to summer school Tuesday and Thursday nights from 5-7. It is a pretty laid back class of 7 students and a Family Law Attorney who looks like Kenny Rogers as the professor. I like it. It reminds me of law school and I miss law school.

Speaking of missing law school, I have decided to finish my third year in Moscow. They opened up a campus (a glorified Conference room, think University of Phoenix type sterile environment) in Boise and gave us the option to come down here for school. I couldn't decide and made multiple pro's and con's lists and said, "ok to Boise i go". But now I am having second thoughts. I miss my beloved Moscow, and it's small town-ness and how life is just easy there, and after nearly 2 years, i am very comfortable there. So...I am going back.

But this summer will still be great. I have a ton of goals...like the usual rawsome, p90X, run 5 marathons etc. But i have some new ones too. I want to improve on my writing, researching and thinking as a lawyer. I also want to go on little mini day trips every weekend to checkout this southern part of Idaho. I am also planning a trip to Utah for a baby shower, a trip to Rexburg, just to remember how it used to be, a trip to Burley to see a law school friend, (we are both single, mormon and tall so we have a lot to vent about) and then obviously the big trip to AZ to spend some time with Sophie, Livy, Gibson and everyone else.

So that is just a little bit of free writing about whats going on.

Yes, I am still alive. A lot more tired these days, but alive.

I hope everyone is well.

UPDATE

Moved to Boise....

Cried on the way down here.

I have an infected, goopy eye.

I felt a cold sore coming in, so I went to the clinic to get Valtrex, I still have a yucky scab.

I have a sore throat, and a congested face and I feel terrible.

I have been doing a Pro-Bono mini externship (no pay) at the Federal Building...it is about 200 yards from my front door so i just walk here.

I got fat during finals from eating so much China Buffet. Now I don't fit into my clothes.

I have a new little niece named Sophie Joy, who was born 2 weeks ago...and I wish I could see her.

I don't have any of my furniture here, it is still in Moscow, and will be arriving within the month. But I still need to get a bed and couches. A friend is storing her couches at my place, so I sleep on those.

I am bloody poor, and it sucks.

Thats It. Love you all.

jodi

The Fade.

yes, it has happened again. The "Fade".

you start going out with someone, it seems great, but then after a little bit of time, in my case 3 weeks, they start texting less, calling less, and all in all wanting to hang out less. I laugh because i am actually too busy to spend much time thinking and fixating and obsessing about it. And we both knew it wouldn't last since I am leaving in 2 weeks. But I always have to laugh at the fade. I don't think anyone knows how to say, "yeah, I'm done Peace out". I can't decide if it's because we as daters are spineless, or we just aren't too sure if we are done with the person, and the "fade" buys us some time and maybe even the option to reconsider later. For whatever reason, if I ever do get married, I am going to miss the stealthy, we-both-know-whats-going-on-but-aren't-going-to-acknowledge-that-we-know-it "fade out".

Don't ask me about the boy, it was very casual, he is 27 and loves motorcycles, and it was as always a great ego boost to get some attention from the younger man (not much has changed in all these years).

But all you readers out there, humor me and post in the comments either 1. your most hilarious/painful fade out (where you got dumped) or 2. the agony/awkwardness/relief of being the fader (dumping someone). I am just curious about everyone's experiences or memories with the "FADE".

on top of the world.

Lately I have been feeling cute and stylie. I have about 10 pairs of boots, some from Thrift, some from Last Chance and I also bought 3 pairs at the Macy's boot/shoe sale a few weeks ago. I rock leggings now, wear jewelry, put makeup on everyday, try to keep my grays covered and basically just look smoking hot everyday. But as I was about to completely indulge myself in vanity....I came across this beautiful picture again, and was quickly brought back to reality. YIKES.

Roomates.

I was living in downtown Mesa, in the historic district. My room was the basement. It was rad. I had a wood burning stove, that didn't actually work, but i decorated it with candles and plants. I had my home made hippie beads strung up in the doorway. I had a couch and my bed and a closet full of thrift store goodenss, it was the raddest room i had ever had, in the most perfect house. I would walk to the library, walk to Milanno's Music, ride my bike to Pete's Fish and Chips in other words, I was happy.

And then after 4 months of bliss it happened.

The normal roomates moved out, and the girl with all the unicorn/fantasy decorations moved in. There they were in the common area. A unicorn statute, multiple unicorn mirrors, a unicorn music box, some sort of magician poster, and many other decorations along these lines.

I was mortified, my perfect existence had turned into fantasy land. This women was in her mid-thirties. Here she was invading the common areas with all this maddness.

I immediately decided I would move out of this hell hole.

I like to think back on all the places I have lived, on all the people I have shared common areas with. As of late I have decided to be a lone wolf, and to live alone. I think I have earned it. I have learned what I needed to learn by sharing apartments, houses, etc. with the single Mormon Women of the West. I am done with the sharing.

I found a one-bedroom in Boise's Northend. So glad I won't be calling the institute, getting names of available housing, and going through the whole room mate thing again. I am a grownup. And I can't chance an infusion of unicorns...I just can't.

The men i meet online.

Here is something you need to know if you are single, or will be soon. Once you are in your 30's. Men think you are free game. All men. Sometimes a 21 year old will send me a "flirt" telling me something like, "wink" or "i'm interested". Sometimes a 74 year old with 5 kids and 19 grandkids will tell me "love at first sight" or "You're Hot!"(my confidence cup overflows)...and then men of all ages use the "I think your the one" if they are getting down to business or the "What's up" if they want you to know hey I'm casual, ain't no thang.

Lately I have met some interesting men on LDS Planet. I meet real ones (aka men in real time too). I mean, we all remember the kid in the Lucky Charms Scrubs who was into Rita and asked me if she was single because he saw her picture on my profile. But what you don't know is that one time a man in Tennessee who i felt bad for because he looked like a Hill Billy and was 68, and just seemed sad, and kept telling me "I'm not interested, but your profile says you like Bob Seager and I like Bob Seagar so lets be friends....". After a few one liners, he told me he could send me a money order, because he had money, and he just wanted us to talk on the phone, and he could pay if I couldn't pay. What??

Or how about the attractive 30 year old man who immediately thought i was his soulmate because he had been praying to heavenly father (God) for someone who understood him and I thought he was attractive so immediately i understood him. I tried to give him a chance, even though he was paying 55 percent of his income to the mothers of his children...but i am gonna have serious student debt when i get out of here, at best I need my future mans income to help pay off my debt, or at least not be paying for his 3 kids. Shoot. Is that wrong? In the end though, if someone is a stranger, and they aren't good on paper, walk away. No need falling for someone in Philly with a financial mess (he didn't even have a cell phone bc he couldn't afford it) when I got mens all over the place who are in financial messes. Just saying.

Then there was my favorite Ryan, he is still my facebook friend. He was 31, lives in Virginia I think, and we emailed back and forth for a few months. At one point i said, 'can we take this to the next level and maybe talk on the phone or ichat'. He said I was moving too fast.


Online loves... you might be out there, but you sure are tricky to discover. Shoot.

Home to AZ for Spring Break

I love being in AZ. The best people (and dog) are there. I had a great time. I can't wait to meet baby Sophie on my next trip.

HI EVERYONE

Just posting telling you all i have been pretty busy, and I want to post soon enough. Also i am sorry i haven't been commenting on your blogs too much either. Check back soon. I hopefully will be posting soon.