Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Update. I feel lame that i only post with updates. The thing is, i am not feeling creative, or chatty, or willing to share anything that is going on. I feel like law school and doing the extern(working for no pay, only paying for credit) has sucked the creativity out of me.
Other thing, i don't really feel inspired by anything as of late. I miss the girl who used to write horrible poetry of loved lost, and pain and rebirth (i was in 8th grade) because she felt things. This lady that i have become doesn't really have a voice anymore. I am just trying to be gramatically correct all day when i am writing my draft opinions, and i am trying to not look online too much while i am at work.
The girl who works upstairs my classmate, got offered a job by the Idaho Supreme Court today. No one has even mentioned me even applying downstairs at the appealate court. I guess it sort of hurts my feelings, i mean pride. It makes me feel like I am not doing a good job. Isn't it funny how you think you are doing ok, and have no complaints, and then you read about someone else's successes, and suddenly you feel lower...I think that is how i feel a bit whenever i hear someone has a job, a fantastic husband/boyfriend, etc. I am alright with how everything is going, but then someone else celebrates via facebook, the blog, or just normal conversations, and I get to thinking, "shoot, i want some of that".
For instance, today i was reading someone's facebook bio. It said, "i love my life, i am the luckiest girl in the world". I gotta tell you, i never feel like that. I sort of feel like life has dealt me the short end of the stick. And yeah, yeah, i know that money doesn't buy happiness, and i suppose you can try to tell me, finding love won't make you any happier because, you gotta learn to be happy by yourself, or whatever lame things people say to us leftovers....but honestly, I never really cared about money. I would listen to "Pillow Talk" on my clock radio I got for my 10th birthday, and songs like, "Making Love out of Nothing at all", "power windows" and one that said, "even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you honey..." and i had it all figured out at 10. I was gonna be poor and in love and happy.
Flash forward, um 22 years. And here i am about 200k in debt. (99K Mortgage + 15K undergad debt. + 76K graduating from law debt. + a bunch of credit card debt) and now I am worse than poor, and haven't been in love ( i want to say ever, but i will say for years, just to sound optimistic). It's not that great.
So here i am in the Perkins (it's a restaurant parking lot where they have free internet), checking my facebook, blog, lds planet and email...and I just gotta repeat... IT'S NOT THAT GREAT!. No i'm not on my period, no I don't want you to feel sorry for me, but I just wish all you guys didn't have such rad lives, to make this classy lady feel a little bit deflated.
Dont' give me love advice, don't tell me how crappy your life is to make me feel better. Just count your many blessings...
Other thing, i don't really feel inspired by anything as of late. I miss the girl who used to write horrible poetry of loved lost, and pain and rebirth (i was in 8th grade) because she felt things. This lady that i have become doesn't really have a voice anymore. I am just trying to be gramatically correct all day when i am writing my draft opinions, and i am trying to not look online too much while i am at work.
The girl who works upstairs my classmate, got offered a job by the Idaho Supreme Court today. No one has even mentioned me even applying downstairs at the appealate court. I guess it sort of hurts my feelings, i mean pride. It makes me feel like I am not doing a good job. Isn't it funny how you think you are doing ok, and have no complaints, and then you read about someone else's successes, and suddenly you feel lower...I think that is how i feel a bit whenever i hear someone has a job, a fantastic husband/boyfriend, etc. I am alright with how everything is going, but then someone else celebrates via facebook, the blog, or just normal conversations, and I get to thinking, "shoot, i want some of that".
For instance, today i was reading someone's facebook bio. It said, "i love my life, i am the luckiest girl in the world". I gotta tell you, i never feel like that. I sort of feel like life has dealt me the short end of the stick. And yeah, yeah, i know that money doesn't buy happiness, and i suppose you can try to tell me, finding love won't make you any happier because, you gotta learn to be happy by yourself, or whatever lame things people say to us leftovers....but honestly, I never really cared about money. I would listen to "Pillow Talk" on my clock radio I got for my 10th birthday, and songs like, "Making Love out of Nothing at all", "power windows" and one that said, "even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you honey..." and i had it all figured out at 10. I was gonna be poor and in love and happy.
Flash forward, um 22 years. And here i am about 200k in debt. (99K Mortgage + 15K undergad debt. + 76K graduating from law debt. + a bunch of credit card debt) and now I am worse than poor, and haven't been in love ( i want to say ever, but i will say for years, just to sound optimistic). It's not that great.
So here i am in the Perkins (it's a restaurant parking lot where they have free internet), checking my facebook, blog, lds planet and email...and I just gotta repeat... IT'S NOT THAT GREAT!. No i'm not on my period, no I don't want you to feel sorry for me, but I just wish all you guys didn't have such rad lives, to make this classy lady feel a little bit deflated.
Dont' give me love advice, don't tell me how crappy your life is to make me feel better. Just count your many blessings...
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Life in Boise.
Well, I moved all my crap down from my Moscow Apartment, well not all. I brought all my books, clothes, DJ Equipement, Sporting equipment, TV and VCR and all the other random crap I had accumulated along the way.
I hate all my possessions. I hate them. In the new place there isn't a lot of storage so everything is just sort of piled up in corners. And heres the thing, i am going to only be living there for 6 and a half more weeks. So I sort of have decided to just live this way. Surrounded by all my worldly goods.
So thats the apartment. It is a fantastic location. But it's a basement, older and there is a porch out front where all the hipsters of Boise gather. Also it is beneath a stairwell that everyone loudly uses to get to their upstairs apartment. The ceiling shakes many times every hour from foot traffic.
I work (don't get paid, paid tuition actually) as a clerk for the Idaho State Court of Appeals. It's a pretty great externship because the judges are all so nice. Also their clerks are pretty helpful as well. I have projects/cases they assign me, i do research for days, write an opinion and then have the judges secretary go over it with a fine tooth comb. Then the judge looks at it, and tells me what to fix. So far I have just one opinion done, and the judge will meet with me soon to tell me how bad it was. Another judge gave me a bigger project so i am still in the researching phase.
I also go to summer school Tuesday and Thursday nights from 5-7. It is a pretty laid back class of 7 students and a Family Law Attorney who looks like Kenny Rogers as the professor. I like it. It reminds me of law school and I miss law school.
Speaking of missing law school, I have decided to finish my third year in Moscow. They opened up a campus (a glorified Conference room, think University of Phoenix type sterile environment) in Boise and gave us the option to come down here for school. I couldn't decide and made multiple pro's and con's lists and said, "ok to Boise i go". But now I am having second thoughts. I miss my beloved Moscow, and it's small town-ness and how life is just easy there, and after nearly 2 years, i am very comfortable there. So...I am going back.
But this summer will still be great. I have a ton of goals...like the usual rawsome, p90X, run 5 marathons etc. But i have some new ones too. I want to improve on my writing, researching and thinking as a lawyer. I also want to go on little mini day trips every weekend to checkout this southern part of Idaho. I am also planning a trip to Utah for a baby shower, a trip to Rexburg, just to remember how it used to be, a trip to Burley to see a law school friend, (we are both single, mormon and tall so we have a lot to vent about) and then obviously the big trip to AZ to spend some time with Sophie, Livy, Gibson and everyone else.
So that is just a little bit of free writing about whats going on.
Yes, I am still alive. A lot more tired these days, but alive.
I hope everyone is well.
I hate all my possessions. I hate them. In the new place there isn't a lot of storage so everything is just sort of piled up in corners. And heres the thing, i am going to only be living there for 6 and a half more weeks. So I sort of have decided to just live this way. Surrounded by all my worldly goods.
So thats the apartment. It is a fantastic location. But it's a basement, older and there is a porch out front where all the hipsters of Boise gather. Also it is beneath a stairwell that everyone loudly uses to get to their upstairs apartment. The ceiling shakes many times every hour from foot traffic.
I work (don't get paid, paid tuition actually) as a clerk for the Idaho State Court of Appeals. It's a pretty great externship because the judges are all so nice. Also their clerks are pretty helpful as well. I have projects/cases they assign me, i do research for days, write an opinion and then have the judges secretary go over it with a fine tooth comb. Then the judge looks at it, and tells me what to fix. So far I have just one opinion done, and the judge will meet with me soon to tell me how bad it was. Another judge gave me a bigger project so i am still in the researching phase.
I also go to summer school Tuesday and Thursday nights from 5-7. It is a pretty laid back class of 7 students and a Family Law Attorney who looks like Kenny Rogers as the professor. I like it. It reminds me of law school and I miss law school.
Speaking of missing law school, I have decided to finish my third year in Moscow. They opened up a campus (a glorified Conference room, think University of Phoenix type sterile environment) in Boise and gave us the option to come down here for school. I couldn't decide and made multiple pro's and con's lists and said, "ok to Boise i go". But now I am having second thoughts. I miss my beloved Moscow, and it's small town-ness and how life is just easy there, and after nearly 2 years, i am very comfortable there. So...I am going back.
But this summer will still be great. I have a ton of goals...like the usual rawsome, p90X, run 5 marathons etc. But i have some new ones too. I want to improve on my writing, researching and thinking as a lawyer. I also want to go on little mini day trips every weekend to checkout this southern part of Idaho. I am also planning a trip to Utah for a baby shower, a trip to Rexburg, just to remember how it used to be, a trip to Burley to see a law school friend, (we are both single, mormon and tall so we have a lot to vent about) and then obviously the big trip to AZ to spend some time with Sophie, Livy, Gibson and everyone else.
So that is just a little bit of free writing about whats going on.
Yes, I am still alive. A lot more tired these days, but alive.
I hope everyone is well.
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